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Yelich Books Superstar Shakeup to WrestleMania 34, Rated U for Unrealistic.

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SUMMERSLAM

~~PRE SHOW~~

The Broken Hardy's (c) vs SAnitY for the Raw Tag Team Championships: To start the show we'd see SAnitY getting one last shot at the Raw Tag Team Championships. After losing in the Six man Tag Match at Bad Blood and losing the tag belts at Extreme Rules they are looking to finally get one back on The Hardy's. And they do, after hitting Death From Above on Matt Hardy, Alexander Wolfe pins him and Dain & Wolfe of SAnitY regain their championships.

Carmella vs Candice LeRae: Carmella in this match gets a go at Candice LeRae for the first time WITHOUT James Ellsworth in this match. On SmackDown's leading up to this I would have LeRae start to have matches that aren't against Carmella and Carmella start to have matches that aren't against Candice LeRae. Candice would start winning and would be announced for a SmackDown Women's Championship Number One Contender's Fatal Fourway match against Naomi, Alexa Bliss, and Trish Stratus. But before the match Carmella (who has lost all of her matches from then to now) attacks LeRae backstage and takes her out of the match, making it a triple threat. Carmella would say the next week that she did it because she needs one more match against LeRae so she can get the monkey off of her back. But Carmella in this match would not get the monkey off of her back, instead LeRae would win after hitting the Lionsault and pin The Princess of Staten Island for the victory.

Aiden English (c) vs Kevin Owens vs Samoa Joe for the United States Championship: In this match Triple H's goon squad both get United States title shots here. Both of these men have been hounding Aiden English ever since he won the title and have both been attacking English before every match of his, then just chucking him in the ring to be pinned by whoever his opponent was. But Kurt Angle, who after Bad Blood is desperately trying to regain power of his show was like "No, this is my show, you do not get that match Kevin and Joe, I will not cowtow to you and your pimp Triple H, I am General Manager, I AM GENERAL MANAGER!" or something like that even though we all know that Kurt is slowly losing power by the minute, but I'll get more into that later on. Aiden English however would ask Kurt to make this match real so he could, and I quote: "Beat their asses all around Brooklyn." In the match Joe and Owens would have complete control but when Owens goes for a chair shot on English, English ducks making Owens hit Joe right on the skull. Owens would stare, shocked at the downed Joe for a moment before English finds his opportunity, hitting the Whirling Dervish on Owens for the victory. Post match, once Joe gets up again, Joe and Owens would argue, teasing dissension in the ranks of Triple H's stable (it's The Authority, from now on I'm just gonna call it The Authority). 

#DIY (c) vs The Revival for the SmackDown Tag Team Championships: The Revival earn these shots at the SmackDown Tag Team Championships after defeating Breezango in a Number One Contender's Match. Just let these two teams do whatever they want, because they are great together. Let them go like a good 14 minutes and it'll be glorious. #DIY wins, but the fans do too.

~~REAL SHOW~~

AJ Styles vs Kenny Omega: Interpromotional match, Woo Hoo! And it's AJ Styles vs Kenny Omega, Dave Meltzer is creaming his pants for this one, hot dog! And Styles wins after a 22 minute match? Ohh buddy boy that's a 97 star match. Yayyyyyyyy! Oh wait it's not in Japan or NXT, 4.5 stars. Welp, get 'em next time. Seriously though here's some actual context to this match, AJ Styles after finding out the real reason that he was screwed against Brock at Extreme Rules, is a bit pissed, and he wants a match against Roman or Triple H. But Kurt Angle is a bit stressed out right now with Triple H, Stephanie McMahon, and Roman Reigns and the entire Authority fiasco as a whole as he clings hopelessly onto whatever power he has left on Raw. So Angle just says "AJ, I know you're on my side but I have enough of a headache already, can you just find something else to do at SummerSlam. Actually ya know what, here's Daniel Bryan's phone number, find someone on SmackDown to face you." So then we get a segment of a disgruntled Styles talking on the phone saying "Sure him, why not that sounds fun I guess." And then next week on SmackDown we get a segment where Daniel Bryan tells Kenny Omega that at SummerSlam he will be representing SmackDown in an interpromotional match against AJ Styles. And of course if you saw the beginning of this, Styles would win.

Mickie James (c) vs Trish Stratus for the SmackDown Women's Championship: Remember that triple threat Number One Contender's Match I brought up earlier? Well Trish would win that match in her return to in-ring action setting up this bout. Trish and Mickie because they aren't the same workers they were back at WrestleMania 22, would have a shorter match, about 11 minutes I'd say and Trish would win with a Stratusfaction, putting her back up at 8 title reigns, one more than Mickie. After the match Mickie James would lose it. She would kill anyone she saw. She would annihilate the referee of the match with a steel chair. More referee's would come out and receive the same fate. But she wouldn't be done. She goes over to commentary, pushes Byron Saxton's headset off of his head and grabs him by his tie, brings him away from the commentary table, and hits him with the chair to the midsection, she strips Saxton until he is only in his pants and she keeps hitting him with the chair over and over. She eventually places the chair on the ground and hits her DDT onto Saxton on the chair. She then walks back to the commentary table as Graves and Phillips scramble away from her, taking off their headsets, she puts on Byron's old headset and she says "I won that match, I won that match, I am still the SmackDown Women's Champion, I won that match." She then takes it off and throws the headset at Byron Saxton's laying corpse, which is being attended to by trainers, and she walks to the back still saying "I won that match." Byron Saxton would not commentate the rest of that night, and he would miss the next month of commentary on SmackDown with a kayfabe injury. The rest of tonight Graves and Phillips would do SmackDown matches alone and on SmackDowns afterwards he would be replaced by Renee Young (In this my commentators for SD are usually Graves, Phillips, and Saxton and for Raw it's Cole, Graves, and Coachman).

Erick Rowan (c) vs Bray Wyatt vs Luke Harper vs Braun Strowman for the Intercontinental Championship: Wyatt Family fourway, yayy! I really already explained why this match is happening if you read my Battleground post (which you totally should btw). So I'll just say that this match lasts a good 16 minutes and Luke Harper wins when he hits a Discus Clothesline on Erick Rowan, pinning him for the 1.. 2.. 3.

Dean Ambrose vs Eric Young: These two have one last match to see who is the better man and I'd have Dean Ambrose win the match with a Dirty Deeds. There isn't much more to this than that so... yeah. Dang maybe the US title match should've been on the main show, oh well, too late for me.

Jordan Devlin (c) vs Tyler Bate vs Finn Balor for the United Kingdom Championship: Jordan Devlin is defending his newly won United Kingdom Championship against his old mentor he beat at Extreme Rules in Finn Balor and the man he beat for the title in the first place at Bad Blood in Tyler Bate. Finn Balor got in the match because on back-to-back Raw's he beat Jordan Devlin and Tyler Bate. Finn made Kurt Angle recognize this and he got in the match. But it would not be enough as Jordan Devlin would pick up a win after Finn hit a Coup de Grace onto Bate through a table, removing Bate from the fray. This allowed Devlin to hit Ireland's Call onto Balor to retain his title.

Randy Orton vs Mojo Rawley: Randy Orton is tired of Mojo Rawley screwing him out of the WWE World Heavyweight Championship. Backlash, Money in the Bank, Battleground, at all of these shows Mojo Rawley prevented Randy from either staying or becoming WWE World Heavyweight Champ, and he's a little pissed. So we finally get their one on one match. And in this match Randy would basically bury Mojo, RKO to Rawley, force him up for a second one. And then for shits and giggles, a punt kick. Now I think Mojo's received enough punishment Randall, 1.. 2.. 3. Mojo Rawley is dead.

Baron Corbin (c) vs Shinsuke Nakamura for the WWE World Heavyweight Championship: This match would come to life because of a 10 man battle royal between Shinsuke Nakamura, Randy Orton, Mojo Rawley, Kenny Omega, Pete Dunne, Tye Dillinger, Dolph Ziggler, Neville, Sami Zayn, and Shelton Benjamin which Shinsuke would win. But in the match to the shock of everyone, Baron Corbin would pull out the surprise of the century as he ran at Shinsuke during the Kinshasa and reversed it into the End of Days for the pinfall victory allowing him to retain his WWE World Heavyweight Championship.

Nikki Cross (c) vs Asuka for the Raw Women's Championship: This match is fairly self explanatory to me but I'll explain it anyways. Asuka gets this title shot because she is still undefeated in all of her time in the WWE, but she has not won a main roster Women's Championship yet so now she'll get one against an old foe of her's in Nikki Cross. The match would go a solid 17 minutes but Asuka would pull off the victory after making Nikki Cross submit to the Asuka Lock.

Kurt Angle vs Triple H for the General Manager spot on Raw: Kurt Angle is slowly losing his grip on Raw as I've told you multiple times already. Triple H is invading his wife is his boss but Kurt Angle still has the power to make matches, but that's all he has. Triple H and The Authority have ruined his shows. Ever since Extreme Rules many of his matches and shows have been ruined by Samoa Joe, Kevin Owens, Triple H, and now Roman Reigns. He needs to do something so he decides to use the only power he has left, he makes matches. He decides Brock Lesnar gets his Universal Championship rematch against Roman Reigns in a "No Holds Barred" match, and he says that he will make sure that absolutely NO ONE interferes in that match and that we get a legitimate finish. But then Stephanie McMahon comes on Raw and talks to Kurt, she tells him that "While I do want my husband to become General Manager of Raw, I won't outright fire you, that'd be too easy and I have too much respect for you Kurt. But you're in my way so I need you to make the decision, you can either resign as Raw General Manager, or you can defend your spot as Raw GM at SummerSlam against my husband, what do you say?" Kurt then obviously goes with option 2 and says "At SummerSlam I'm gonna kick you husband's ass so bad that you'll want a divorce. Oh it's true, it's damn true." Then in the match we'd have Triple H flanked by his wife and Kurt alone. Kurt would keep trying to make the bout a technical one while Triple H keeps trying to make it a brawl. Somewhere near the end of the match the ref would take a bump and he'd be knocked out, this would allow Hunter low blow Angle and Stephanie to give him his trusty sledgehammer. Triple H would then hit a kneeling Angle in the mouth with the sledgehammer, toss it out of the ring, and hit the Pedigree onto the Olympic Gold Medalist. Steph would then wake up the ref and he would slowly count the pin. 1... 2... 3. Triple H is your new Raw General Manager. Post Match the referee would raise both Triple H's and Stephanie's arms in the air as the two bask in the glory of their victory. And Triple H would make his presence felt immediately on the following Raw, AJ Styles would be released from the Raw roster and Triple H would  announce a trade with SmackDown seeing Finn Balor, Xavier Woods, and Kofi Kingston be shipped to SmackDown for Charlotte Flair, Becky Lynch, and Shelton Benjamin. The Authority have returned to the WWE.

The Miz (c) vs Daniel Bryan for the Cruiserweight Championship: Daniel Bryan is sick of The Miz, Sami Zayn, and Maryse. He is most sick of The Miz being Cruiserweight Champion EVEN THOUGH HE IS CLEARLY NOT A CRUISERWEIGHT because of an obscure loophole in Miz's contract (read Battleground for more details). But Bryan would have something up his sleeve and that is that he was medically cleared to compete about a month ago. Bryan has been training again for his in-ring return and then on SmackDown after witnessing Miz defeat another Cruiserweight using his weight to his advantage, he announces it to the world, that at SummerSlam he will make his in-ring return against The Miz for the Cruiserweight Championship. Miz is stunned, he did not want this at all but it is happening. Bryan leads the audience in a "YES!" chant, he's coming back to performing again. It all seems to good to be true.... It is. In Bryan's match against Miz he brings everything he can, we see Bryan's old offense and the Brooklyn crowd pop big for it but whenever Bryan goes for the Yes Lock, Miz gets a foot of the rope, whenever Bryan hits the running knee, Maryse or Sami Zayn stop the count in some way. And in the end, Miz and Maryse would be distracting the ref near the end of the match, allowing Sami Zayn to hit a Helluva Kick onto Daniel Bryan. Zayn would then roll out of the ring as Miz and Maryse stop distracting the referee. Miz would hit the Skull Crushing Finale and pin Daniel Bryan, 1.. 2.. 3. The Miz is still Cruiserweight Champion.

Roman Reigns (c) vs Brock Lesnar for the Universal Championship in a No Holds Barred Match: Remember when Kurt Angle said he's not letting anyone interfere in the main event? Well now is the time to reveal his plan to stop it. Roman and Brock make their entrances, Brock flanked by Paul Heyman and Roman flanked by Kevin Owens and Samoa Joe but there seems to be no plan in action. Then glass shatter. Yep, Stone Cold Steve Austin is here and he is going to be your Special Guest Ring Enforcer for the main event. He immediately gives a stunner to Samoa Joe and Kevin Owens, flipping them off. Then for good measure he gives a Stunner to Paul Heyman too, because why not. Then the match begins, dueing the beginning stages of the match Austin is just taking Owens & Joe to the back so they can't interfere in the match. He would then do the same with Heyman. Lesnar and Reigns would use the No Holds Barred stipulation to their advantage many times throughout the match with table spots, kendo sticks, chairs, steel steps, and all that jazz being used. But then in the middle of the match all the lights in the Barclays Center would turn off, then when they we're turned back Austin would be knocked out, and the ring would be surrounded by four people. Those people would be Eric Young, Alexander Wolfe, Killian Dain, and Nikki Cross. SAnitY would go up onto the apron and enter the ring at the same time all staring down Brock Lesnar. And then at Roman Reigns's orders, they would attack. Brock would try to fight back but the numbers game would be too much. SAnitY would then hold up Brock so Roman could yell at Brock, spit in his face, and hit one last Spear. Roman would then pin Brock for the 1.. 2.. 3. Roman Reigns retains his Universal Championship.

~~PREDICTION RESULTS~~

BiC: 6/15

Arius: 8/15

Julius: 9/15

Bubbajr: 11/15

(These results are saying that Trish Stratus won her match, Mickie James please don't hurt me.)

Also, my next PPV is Cyber Sunday. I will be posting polls on this page almost immediately after posting this, so go vote on that stuff.

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VOTES FOR CYBER SUNDAY ARE CLOSED!

The results are as follows:
Question #1: Carmella vs Ember Moon
Question #2: Cedric Alexander
Question #3: If He Can Win His Match At Cyber Sunday
Question #4: Erick Rowan
Question #5: Last Woman Standing
Question #6: Randy Orton, Shinsuke Nakamura, Pete Dunne, Kenny Omega, and Neville

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