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The G2 Climax

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People have heard of the G1 Climax, the G1 of course standing for Grade One. But what about Grade Two? What happens it that tournament? The answer, is some... odd wrestling to say the least. This underground wrestling tournament is a tournament for only the best of the worst wrestlers in wrestling today that is wrestled in front of absolutely nobody with the winner receiving $100,000 and the bragging rights of being able to day you are the best worst wrestler in the world. We have recently found a recording of the 2019 tournament of the G2 Climax. And we are ready to leak it to the world. The real question is... are you ready to stand witness to it?

Who is the Best Worst Wrestler alive? Who will win The G2 Climax? Who really cares?

Only on The Disney Channel.

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Image result for orange cassidy

"Freshly Squeezed" Orange Cassidy has made his mark on wrestling in 2018 and 2019. Previously teaming with Chuck Taylor, Drew Gulak, and The Swamp Monster in "The Gentleman's Club" Cassidy has recently become his own man. Orange Cassidy has worked in many promotions, Beyond, Chikara, Evolve, AEW, he even once faced off with The Velveteen Dream for the North American Championship. Will the lackadaisical Orange Cassidy be able to bring that "fire" that he brings to his "matches" to the "G2 Climax" Wait why is G2 Climax in quotes? Oh whatever. What was I saying again? Oh yeah, Orange Cassidy for the win baybeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

Match To Watch Out For... I Guess: Orange Cassidy vs Chuck Taylor


Image result for toru yano

The only man in the G2 Climax to be in a G1 Climax, "The Sublime Master Thief" Toru Yano is the heavy favorite coming into the G2 Climax. But with that label as the heavy favorite also comes a target on his back. Everyone is gunning for The Ace of the G2 Climax, and that is Toru Yano. Will he live up to expectations? Or will he fail?

Match To Watch Out For... I Guess: Toru Yano vs Colt Cabana


Image result for joey ryan

"The King of Dong Style" Joey Ryan and his ding-a-ling are some of the most interesting characters in the G2 Climax. Joey's.... unorthodox method of wrestling is sure to cause a roadblock to other wrestlers in the G2 Climax, making him one to watch out for here in this tournament.

Match To Watch Out For... I Guess: Joey Ryan vs Session Moth Martina


Image result for r-truth

The on again and off again European 24/7 TV champion and one of the three current WWE Superstars in the G2 Climax, R-Truth is one of Pro-Wrestling's greatest talents. As well as being the only man in the G2 Climax to Main Event a WWE PPV, the former US, NWA, Hardcore, WWE Tag Team, NWA Tag Team, TNA WORLD Tag Team, and most importantly of all, Season 2 Mixed Match Challenge Winner, R-Truth, is arguably one of the most decorated wrestlers in the G2. Will he be able to add the G2 Climax to that list? Does he know he is in the G2 Climax? We'll just have to wait and see.

Match To Watch Out For... I Guess: R-Truth vs Joey Janela


Image result for colt cabana

Colt Cabana is probably one of the most well known names on the indies thanks to his relationship with CM Punk. But he also should be well known thanks to his amazing pedigree as a professional wrestler. The man who has held 41 different championships spanning 37 different companies is here to add another accolade to his long list. Plus he could use the money after that court case, so Colt Cabana is here to win.

Match To Watch Out For... I Guess: Colt Cabana vs Toru Yano


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Stokely Hathaway is an interesting figure, the recent signee to WWE, he is one of the most charismatic men in wrestling today and a great manager to NXT's Jermaine Haley (Jonah Rock). But Hathaway has not had the greatest success in-ring. In fact, Hathaway has only ever held one championship in his career. But with a win in the G2 Climax, all of that can change, as Hathaway will officially be "The Best Worst Wrestler Alive" and become like a miniature Shane McMahon on NXT. And we all want to see that don't we? We probably don't.

Match To Watch Out For... I Guess: Stokely Hathaway vs Orange Cassidy


Image result for bryce remsburg

The sole referee for the G2 Climax Bryce Remsburg, is also going to be a competitor after Vince McMahon turned down his spot in the G2 Climax. This may be a bad thing because this means he will be refereeing his own matches as well... but I think everything will be fine. Bryce is trustworthy right...... right? Oh god we made a mistake didn't we.

Match To Watch Out For... I Guess: Bryce Remsburg vs Joey Janela


Image result for chuck taylor wrestler

Kevin Kelly once said that this man had the "Kiss of Greatness" when it came to tag team partners. Kenny Omega, Johnny Gargano, El Generico, Beretta, Drew Gulak, Orange Cassidy, all former or current tag team partners of "The Kentucky Gentleman" Chuck Taylor. But Chuckie T has not had great success as a solo act, with his only singles championship even won in a major indy promotion being the PWG World Championship. And even Joey Ryan has won that so I mean... it's meh. Taylor is looking for a way to prove himself, and there is no better way to do that than by officially being the "Best Worst Wrestler" alive.

Match To Watch Out For... I Guess: Chuck Taylor vs Orange Cassidy


Image result for session moth martina

The only woman here in the G2 Climax, Session Moth Martina is a wrestler who loves to chug beer and party. Not necessarily but possibly in that order. As the only female in the G2 Climax, she gets the right to represent all women, an amazing honor for her, even though all women probably don't want her representing them. But can those women be proven wrong with a Martina victory of the G2? I dunno, but I do know she'll probably blow all the prize money on alcohol.

Match To Watch Out For... I Guess: Session Moth Martina vs Joey Ryan


Image result for joey janela

And the final member of the A Block, "The Bad Boy" himself, Joey Janela, known for his crazy matches and Spring Break events, has made himself one of the hottest properties on the indy scene, allowing himself to be signed to AEW. But Janela, ever the sportsman he is, loves to be apart of the wackiest things, and there is nothing wackier than The G2 Climax. And cementing himself as the winner of The G2 Climax, that is something "The Bad Boy" can feel good about.

Match To Watch Out For... I Guess: Joey Janela vs Joey Ryan

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Image result for new jack

This 56 year old legend of the industry is in fact our first competitor here in the B Block. New Jack is in the G2 Climax and he is going to raise some hell. But will New Jack be able tor restrain himself from using his shopping cart of weapons so he doesn't get disqualified in these matches, or will the G2 Climax's referee Bryce Remsburg be too afraid of New Jack to disqualify him? Only time will tell.

Match To Watch Out For... I Guess: New Jack vs Nick Gage


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Shark Boy is an interesting man. This half Shark and half Human Boy is a fierce competitor. Though he was never able to win a championship in TNA, Shark Boy has held 20 championships over his time as a wrestler. And he has won multiple tournaments over his time as a wrestler as well, so this one is not his first rodeo. Shark Boy could very easily win the G2 Climax, enshrining himself as the Best Worst Wrestler Alive, but will he be able to do it? The 8-Ball says ask again later.

Match To Watch Out For... I Guess: Shark Boy vs The Hurricane


Image result for heath slater

The man's got kids he has to feed alright. There's about 30 of them and he really needs some more money after barely being featured of WWE programming recently. So the prize money that comes with winning the G2 Climax would be very helpful to "The One Man Band" Heath Slater. But with this stacked lineup of competitors, will Slater be able to win the money, or will he fall short?

Match To Watch Out For... I Guess: Heath Slater vs The Invisible Stan


Image result for jervis cottonbelly

"Gentleman" Jervis Cottonbelly is quite possibly the nicest man in professional wrestling today, and for sure is the nicest man in The G2 Climax. But sometimes Jervis can be as fierce as they come. And with his top hat and his belly of cotton, Jervis as a 14 year veteran of the industry and friend to all could very well cement his legacy as a winner of the G2 Climax.

Match To Watch Out For... I Guess: Jervis Cottonbelly vs Nick Gage


Image result for supercop dick justice

The law of the G2 Climax, "Supercop" Dick Justice is here to ensure orderly conduct. And the term "Police Brutality" is not in the vocabulary of this Supercop... though it probably should be, I'll talk to him about that. Anyways, the man who weights in at 50 stars and 13 stripes is one of the most American men alive, and if he can bring that true American spirit to the G2 Climax, it is going to be tough for anyone to beat him.

Match To Watch Out For... I Guess: "Supercop" Dick Justice vs The Hurricane


Image result for park

Originally this spot was held by The Invisible Man but after an untimely injury, his brother, The Invisible Stan, will be taking his place here in The G2 Climax. Seen above having a nice day at the park, The Invisible Stan is a force to be reckoned with in the ring just like his brother the Invisble Man. And even though Stan was unable to defeat his brother at Joey Janela's Spring Break earlier this year, he is a man to watch out for here in the G2 Climax.

Match To Watch Out For... I Guess: The Invisible Stan vs New Jack


Image result for nick gage

The only man possibly more hardcore than New Jack not just in this tournament, but on this very planet, Nick Gage, is in the G2 Climax. Gage is no stranger to violence of all sorts, as he is a death match specialist. But how will Gage handle the G2 Climax, which because it has the same set of rules as the G1 Climax, can end with disqualification finishes. He probably won't care, but it'll surely eb interesting to see.

Match To Watch Out For... I Guess: Nick Gage vs New Jack


Image result for the hurricane wrestling

Gregory Helms thinks he's a superhero called The Hurricane and we don't have the heart to tell him he's just a normal boy. But "The Hurricane" was one of the best in the WWF/WWE, even once getting a win over The Rock. But The Hurricane isn't the same as he once was. He may be a superhero, but he's also 44. Will this catch up with him? Or will The Hurricane become the winner of the G2 Climax?

Match To Watch Out For... I Guess: The Hurricane vs "Supercop" Dick Justice


Image result for marko stunt

This 22 year old man stuck in a 6 year old's body is Marko Stunt. This relative newbie to professional wrestling, standing at a measly 5'2 is no slouch, as through every match he shows incredible feats of athleticism. But he seems to get distracted often with playing to the audience, which usually leads to his defeat. Will that be Stunt's kryptonite? Or will he be able to win the G2 Climax?

Match To Watch Out For... I Guess: Marko Stunt vs Hornswoggle


Image result for hornswoggle

The smallest man in the G2 Climax (though not by much, looking at you Marko Stunt), Hornswoggle is at a severe disadvantage in this tournament. But what he lacks in height, he gains in experience and pedigree. Hornswoggle has been in wrestling since 2004, and he, as Vince McMahon's illegitimate child, has been very successful in his career. He was even the final WWE Cruiserweight Champion during the first iteration of the championship. And being the winner of The G2 Climax, doesn't seem too out there with that kind of background.

Match To Watch Out For... I Guess: Hornsoggle vs Marko Stunt

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Note: These are not necessarily in the order they will be in during the actual shows.

Toru Yano vs Stokely Hathaway
Session Moth Martina vs Colt Cabana
Chuck Taylor vs Bryce Remsburg
Joey Ryan vs R-Truth
Orange Cassidy vs Joey Janela

Shark Boy vs Jervis Cottonbelly
Nick Gage vs Heath Slater
"Supercop" Dick Justice vs Hornswoggle 
The Hurricane vs Marko Stunt
New Jack vs The Invisible Stan

Bryce Remsburg vs Toru Yano
Joey Janela vs R-Truth
Session Moth Martina vs Stokely Hathaway
Orange Cassidy vs Joey Ryan
Chuck Taylor vs Colt Cabana

New Jack vs Nick Gage
"Supercop" Dick Justice vs The Invisible Stan
Shark Boy vs Marko Stunt
Jervis Cottonbelly vs Heath Slater
The Hurricane vs Hornswoggle

Bryce Remsburg vs Joey Ryan
Joey Janela vs Stokely Hathaway
Session Moth Martina vs Chuck Taylor
Toru Yano vs Colt Cabana
R-Truth vs Orange Cassidy

New Jack vs Heath Slater
Jervis Cottonbelly vs "Supercop" Dick Justice
Shark Boy vs Hornswoggle
Marko Stunt vs Nick Gage
The Hurricane vs The Invisible Stan

Bryce Remsburg vs Stokely Hathaway
Joey Janela vs Session Moth Martina
Toru Yano vs Orange Cassidy
Joey Ryan vs Chuck Taylor
Colt Cabana vs R-Truth

New Jack vs The Hurricane
"Supercop" Dick Justice vs Heath Slater
Shark Boy vs The Invisible Stan
Marko Stunt vs Jervis Cottonbelly
Hornswoggle vs Nick Gage

Bryce Remsburg vs Session Moth Martina
Joey Janela vs Chuck Taylor
Toru Yano vs R-Truth
Stokely Hathaway vs Joey Ryan
Orange Cassidy vs Colt Cabana

New Jack vs "Supercop" Dick Justice
Shark Boy vs The Hurricane
Marko Stunt vs Heath Slater
Jervis Cottonbelly vs Hornswoggle
The Invisible Stan vs Nick Gage

Bryce Remsburg vs Orange Cassidy
Joey Janela vs Joey Ryan
Session Moth Martina vs R-Truth
Toru Yano vs Chuck Taylor
Colt Cabana vs Stokely Hathaway

New Jack vs Jervis Cottonbelly
"Supercop" Dick Justice vs Marko Stunt

The Invisible Stan vs Heath Slater
Hornswoggle vs The Hurricane
Nick Gage vs Shark Boy

Bryce Remsburg vs R-Truth
Joey Janela vs Colt Cabana
Stokely Hathaway vs Chuck Taylor

Session Moth Martina vs Orange Cassidy
Toru Yano vs Joey Ryan

The Hurricane vs Jervis Cottonbelly
Heath Slater vs Shark Boy
The Invisible Stan vs Marko Stunt
"Supercop" Dick Justice vs Nick Gage
New Jack vs Hornswoggle

Bryce Remsburg vs Joey Janela
Session Moth Martina vs
Toru Yano
Stokely Hathaway vs Orange Cassidy
R-Truth vs Chuck Taylor
Joey Ryan vs Colt Cabana

The Hurricane vs Nick Gage
New Jack vs Marko Stunt
"Supercop" Dick Justice vs Shark Boy
Heath Slater vs Hornswoggle
The Invisible Stan vs Jervis Cottonbelly

Bryce Remsburg vs Colt Cabana
Orange Cassidy vs Chuck Taylor
Joey Ryan vs Session Moth Martina
R-Truth vs Stokely Hathaway
Toru Yano vs Joey Janela

Nick Gage vs Jervis Cottonbelly
The Invisible Stan vs Heath Slater
Marko Stunt vs Hornswoggle
New Jack vs Shark Boy
The Hurricane vs "Supercop" Dick Justice

A Block Winner vs B Block Winner

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Note: I Swear this is the last post before I get to the actual shows.
 Also I'll be editing this post as this goes along.

Toru Yano - 2 points
Bryce Remsburg - 2 points
Orange Cassidy - 2 points
Joey Ryan - 2 points
Session Moth Martina - 2 points
R-Truth - 0 points
Joey Janela - 0 points
Colt Cabana - 0 points
Chuck Taylor - 0 points
Stokely Hathaway - 0 points

Nick Gage - 0 points
Jervis Cottonbelly - 0 points
The Invisible Stan - 0 points
The Hurricane - 0 points
Hornswoggle - 0 points
Marko Stunt - 0 points
Heath Slater - 0 points
"Supercop" Dick Justice - 0 points
New Jack - 0 points
Shark Boy - 0 points

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Toru Yano vs Stokely Hathaway

In our first G2 Climax match many's favorite to win it all, "The Sublime Master Thief" Toru Yano, faces off with dark horse Stokely Hathaway. To start the match the two lock up with Hathaway forcing Yano to the ropes. Yano calls for a break and referee Bryce Remsburg gives him it. Hathaway then goes back towards Yano but Yano goes in between the two ropes and keeps calling for a break. Yano then comes back into the middle of the ring but Hathaway catches him with a headlock. But this allows Yano to pick up Hathaway and hit him with a back drop. This makes Hathaway's eyes almost pop out of his head as he gets up and gets his phone out of his pocket, as it seems though he was slammed on top of his phone. When noticing that his phone his fine, Hathaway says "Oh thank the lord" but this allows for Toru Yano to roll up Stokely. 1.. 2.. No! Kick out by Hathaway. Yano then goes immediately for the turnbuckles padding in the corner, he unties it from the corner and he goes for a swing on Stokely, but Hathaway ducks it. Hathaway then grabs the other end of the turnbuckle padding, leading to a tug of war between the two for the turnbuckle pads. The two pull as hard as they possibly can on the the turnbuckle pad until Yano suddenly lets go, making Hathaway fall backwards with the turnbuckle pad. This allows Yano to hit a standing splash onto Hathaway. The weight of Yano is all on Hathaway as referee Bryce Remsburg counts the pin. 1.. 2.. 3! Toru Yano has won the first match of the G2 Climax and earns 2 points!

Chuck Taylor vs Bryce Remsburg

Our next match pits Chuck Taylor against referee Bryce Remsburg. This is gonna be an odd one as Bryce is both a competitor and the referee at the same time, due to the fact that we here at the G2 Climax could only afford one referee. The match begins with Bryce checking Chuck for foreign objects and then ringing the bell. Chuck then loudly complains he didn't check himself. Bryce says he doesn't have anything, he already knows that. Chuck then gets mad and goes over and attempts to check himself. Bryce hangs onto the ropes and counts absurdly quickly to five. Chuck then gets mad that he did this but Bryce quickly goes for a schoolboy, 12 NO! Even with the ungodly quick count, Taylor kicks out at 2. Chuck then picks up Bryce and hits a suplex in the middle of the ring. This allows Chuck to check Bryce for foreign objects, allowing him to find in Bryce's pocket is... oh my sweet jesus.... A PEN! Chuck picks up Bryce by the collar and yells at him "WHAT IS THIS I SEE?" Bryce says it's just a pen, but Chuck is not satisfied with this and he picks him up by the collar further, making his legs dangle from under him, he yells that he should be disqualified, but Bryce just puts his arms in the air allowing him to fall through the referee shirt and out from it. He then HITS CHUCK TAYLOR IN THE NUTS WITH BRASS KNUCKS, YOWIE WOWIE THAT'S OUGHTA HURT! Bryce then puts back on his referee shirt because the pin is not legal unless the ref is in a referee shirt, we all know this. He then gives Chuck a thumb to the eye before rolling him up. 123! Bryce cheats to win! Chuck kicked out at four (really 1 and a half) but that does not matter as Bryce Remsburg technically wins the match! Chuck tries to retaliate post match but Bryce as the ref says he will make Chuck disqualified from the rest of the G2 Climax if he touches him, so therefore "The Kentucky Gentleman" does nothing and walks to the back.

Session Moth Martina vs Colt Cabana

Now we have our third match of night one with Session Moth Martina and Colt Cabana. Before the match Martina chugs down a beer much to the surprise of Colt Cabana. Then the bell rings and Colt goes to the middle of the ring waiting for Martina to lock up with him, but Martina just stumbles to the center and kisses him, surprising Colt. But then Martina takes this opportunity to roll him up, 1.. 2.. 3! SESSION MOTH MARTINA STUNS EVERYONE BY DEFEATING COLT CABANA! Colt's stunned face of glee is now a stunned face of horror as he has lost his first match in the G2 Climax to the only woman in the G2 Climax. Session Moth Martina however is partying hard as she let's herself get crowdsurfed to the exits of the arena.

Joey Ryan vs R-Truth

Joey Ryan and R-Truth star in the co-main event in a real clash of the titans. R-Truth comes out and says he's ready to win the Brawl For All Tournament until Bryce Remsburg whispers in his ear that he is in the G2 Climax. To which R-Truth yells "THE G2 WHAT NOW?" Making Joey Ryan say "Climax, my specialty." This made R-Truth disgusted as Joey Ryan rubbed baby oil all over his chest and then putting multiple drops into his junk. The bell then rings with Ryan and Truth locking up with a collar and elbow tie up, with Truth transitioning it into a side headlock. Ryan pushes Truth off of him towards the ropes Truth runs back and goes for a clothesline which Ryan ducks. Truth then runs back and gets hit with an armdrag by Joey Ryan. Ryan then transitions this into a headscissors, using the power of his penis (I deserve to be murdered for writing that god help me) to help his vice like grip on Truth's neck. But Truth works his way up and hits an electric chair onto Ryan, breaking the hold. Truth then goes for the pin, 1.. 2.. kick out by Ryan. Truth then goes for a headlock. But Ryan grabs a lollipop from his trunks while in this hold and puts it in his mouth. He then powers his way out of the hold before Irish Whipping Truth to the corner. Ryan then rubs the lollipop on his chest and on his public hair (seriously I hate myself) before putting it back in his mouth, grossing out Truth, making him yell "GET THAT SHIT AWAY FROM ME!" Ryan then, out of sportsmanship, puts it in the referee's mouth. Bryce Remsburg sputters and spits it out, leaving it under one of the corners. Truth then allows himself back into the ring and he hits a straight right hand onto Ryan before going for a pin, 1.. 2.. kickout by Ryan. Truth then starts going for a figure four leglock, but before he can lock it fully in Ryan pulls Truth down by the arm, grabs the lollipop and puts it into Truth's mouth! R-Truth immediately taps out and Ryan wins, before Truth spits it out and runs to the back, praying he can get the taste out of his mouth.

Orange Cassidy vs Joey Janela

And now in the main event of the evening we see "Freshly Squeezed" Orange Cassidy face off with "The Bad Boy" Joey Janela. The bell rings and Janela looks to start with a collar and elbow tie up but Cassidy's hands are in his pockets. Janela tells him to take them out but Cassidy refuses to and instead limply "kicks" Janela in his shin. Devastating. Janela then tries to force him into the collar and elbow tie up but he doesn't seem to be strong enough to remove one of Cassidy's hands from his pocket. This allows Cassidy to hit a drop toe hold on Janela and then fall onto Janela for a pin. 1.. 2.. Janela kicks out. The two men then both get back up as Janela Irish Whips Cassidy towards the ropes to which Cassidy walks towards the ropes and lightly touches them before coming back to a Joey Janela who is laying on the mat, "going under" Cassidy. Cassidy walks over Janela and towards the ropes again before coming back to a Janela who is jumping up and down, trying to leapfrog Cassidy like he would if he were giving effort in this match. Cassidy just walks forward and crawls between Janela's legs. WRESTLING! Janela then goes for a snapmare on Cassidy which Cassidy just rolls through. Confused, Janela goes for the snapmare again, but again Cassidy rolls through. Fed up, Janela runs back towards the ropes and hits a clothesline on Cassidy, making him fall backwards onto the mat. But Cassidy, with his hands in his pockets like they've been the entire match, kips up like it's no problem, with his sunglasses staying put. Janela is beyond bewildered at this point, as he takes the sunglasses and tosses them aside the ring. This angers Cassidy greatly, as he goes for a very light chop. Joey is gonna feel that one tomorrow. Joey laughs it off and hits a real chop on Cassidy, making his entire chest turn red. Cassidy then just calls it off and starts walking out of the ring and to the back because of that chop. Janela then yells out at Cassidy "WAIT! I'M SORRY! NO MORE CHOPS OKAY!" Cassidy seems to mull this over before nodding his head and walking back towards the ring, taking a sip of his Orange Juice, and rolling back in the ring. Janela however chops Cassidy again, saying "I told you I'm a bad boy." Cassidy then spits the Orange Jucie in the eyes of Janela, blinding him. Cassidy then goes for the Mouse Trap! 1.. 2.. 3! Orange Cassidy Upsets Joey Janela!

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